Dhampir's Duty
by runiechica
Summary: This is my version of what happens after Blood Promise. Rose finishes school and sets out to complete her mission with more company than she expected. Will her fairy tale hopes work out? I'm not declaring any pairings...they'll develop as the story does
1. Who says you can't go home again?

**So I don't own anything related to Vampire Academy just playing with Richelle Mead's characters while I wait for her next book. Please review, it helps motivate me to write more!**

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The next morning I walked into the front office. The secretary saw me and raised her eye brows. "Rose- what are you doing here?"

"I'm dropping back in."

"Dropping back in?"

"Yup, here's my form." I grin at her confusion.

Alberta steps in. "I'll take care of Miss. Hathaway." She takes my form and signs it. "I will expect you to resume your extra trainings before classes. You'll have an assortment of trainers, I'll arrange their schedule. You will be prompt to every training as they are being kind to donate their time to salvage your education. When you are not training you will resume your protection of Mr. Ozera. I know that the field training is over for the year, but you haven't completed enough time to pass. Three weeks should do it and then you may focus on your own studies and finals."

I wince as she says I will be spending all of my time with either flame boy or a teacher but a promise is a promise. "Sounds good."

"Very good. I'll assume you'll move your things back into student dorms and then find Mr. Ozera. I would hate to find him unprotected Miss. Hathaway."

"Yeah, I'll find him as soon as possible. Thanks."

She nodded regally and turned to head back into her office. "Oh, Miss. Hathaway? One more thing, welcome back, she said with a warm smile."

"Thanks, it's good to be back."

I rushed to the visitor dorms to gather my few belongings. I stepped back out and started to rush down the hallway, colliding with someone and spilling my belongings.

"Little Dhampir are you all right? Not leaving again so soon are you?" Adrian asked as he began to pick up my scattered things. He looked up and smiled, so I knew he was joking.

I snorted. "Are you kidding? Did you not see my mother last night? This is one promise I will definitely be keeping. I'm just moving back into the student dorms. Not that I'll see my room much. My second stop will be Christian's dorm where I will be living for the next three weeks."

He chuckled at my dismay. "Care for some company up to the dorms? I'll even be chivalrous and help you carry your stuff." I hesitated not wanting to hurt Adrian's feelings. He laughed again. "Don't worry, I have no intentions of doing anymore more than providing a little free labor." His eyes grew more serious. "I haven't forgotten your promise or my assignment, but you don't need to worry about fulfilling your promise until it's turned in. Just a friendly walk, ok?"

Feeling defeated I merely nodded and began to head towards the student dorms. Adrian caught up to me quickly. "So as the labor carrying it I am hardly complaining, but is this really all the stuff you have?"

I shrugged. "Chasing Strigoi rarely allowed me time to pack a bag. And escaping from being kidnapped? Even less."

Adrian nodded thoughtfully. "I guess it's a good thing I emptied my coffers for you," he said as he grinned.

Adrian was smiling but this was the second time he joked about giving me all his money. "You didn't empty them. Or at least you better not have," I said as I glared. "But that reminds me, hold on a second." I rifled through my belongings and pulled out a worn paperback of Buffy the Vampire Slayer. His eyes went wide as he struggled not to laugh. "Hey it's the one place no one would have ever looked for this." I pull out a piece of paper and hand it him. "It's not all of it, but it's what was left. I'm working on the rest, it might take me my whole life, but I'll pay you back." I grabbed my stuff back as we were almost to student dorms anyway and handed him the cashier's check I'd had drawn of the remainder of the account he'd set up for me. I'd tossed in my meager savings which didn't even begin to dent what I owed him.

Adrian took the check and smiled sadly. "No, I didn't empty anything to give this to you. You don't owe me anything though. We had a deal. I'd ridiculously throw money at your mission and you'd give me a chance. I never mentioned getting repaid-"

I scowled, cutting him off. "The deal was for the loan. Not for the money. I'm not some kind of cheap whore, Adrian."

"Rose, you know that's not what I meant."

"Whatever, I have to go upstairs and drop this stuff off and track down flame boy. We'll talk about it later, after I graduate and can realistically think about how to pay you back. Ok?"

Adrian looked like he wanted to say something more but merely nodded and turned to walk away. Great Rose, alienate one of the few people willing to help you.

I ran up the stairs two at a time to drop off my stuff. I'd wasted more time talking to Adrian than I should have, and while there are only a few more hours left until training and my night off from guarding Christian, Alberta's insistence I find him quickly made me think I would be fending off an attack tonight. I opened the door to my room and was shocked to find all of my old stuff was still there but neater than I had left it. There was a note on my bed.

_Wouldn't let them throw it away, made them store it and I unpacked when I heard you were on your way back. We so have to go shopping asap though. It's embarrassing that my future guardian would be dressed so shabbily. Welcome back to school, wasn't the same without you.  
---Lissa_

I smiled as I threw the rest of my stuff on the bed. Quickly I drew out the silver stake Dmitri had sent me and tucked it into my boot. I also shuffled through some of my stuff, grinning at the thought of Lissa seeing me mess it up so quickly, and found the practice stake from the field experience. I tucked that into my belt. Duty calls.

I knocked on Christian's door for several minutes without getting an answer. With a sigh I opened the door and peeked in. No one home. I double check my watch. Too late for breakfast, too early for lunch. Where would my favorite little flame boy be hiding?

After leaving the feeders area and the library I grumbled to myself in frustration. If I ever succeed in paying Adrian back the first thing I am treating myself to is a cell phone.

As I walked through the Academy grounds in frustration the church caught my eye. Of course. I went up to his and Lissa's favorite hiding spot and knocked timidly at the door. I opened it without waiting for a response.

"Who- Rose? What are you doing here? Christian asked confused. I told you I don't want to talk about Lissa," he said with anger creeping into his voice.

"Tsk-tsk. How dare you think so little of me. Didn't it ever cross your mind that I might have missed you, flame boy?" His eyes narrowed as we'd gotten this mushy stuff done with yesterday. I sighed dramatically. "Ok, ok you got me. But I really didn't come here to talk about Lissa. I officially have dropped back into school and in order to graduate I have to put in three more weeks of protecting you. So prepare yourself to have a shadow again."

Christian stared at me for a minute before he begun to laugh hysterically. "You mean - after all the fuss you put into being assigned to me you now have to be the only Dhampir still guarding their Moroi?"

I hadn't thought of it like that, I grumbled. I plopped down onto the bench next to him. "So how you been?" He looked at me confused. I shrugged. "Hey, I really did miss you...at least for amusement factor alone. And I haven't really gotten to find out how you've been holding up yet. As you said Lissa and Adrian made a big deal of missing me and have claimed all of my attention to date. How are you holding up?"

"Fine," Christian said curtly.

"Look I'm not Lissa's best friend in this moment. In this moment I am your Dhampir, your guardian. For three more weeks you luck out and get looked after by the best. Enjoy it while it lasts, Ozera."

"Fine, but if you run to Lissa to spill I'll fry you in your sleep."

I stifled the urge to giggle and nodded solemnly.

"I'm ok, but I miss her. I still have Jill and a few other Moroi who are training with me to be able to fight, but it's not the same. I miss having someone to talk to, to watch movies with, to tease and be teased. And it hurts. I know it wasn't all her fault, but she was calm and sober when she decided not to tell me. It wouldn't have been as bad if she had told me."

I had to count to five in order to not jump to Lissa's defense. I love her, but she had gotten herself into this mess and Christian was certainly the victim here. "I get that. It's the little things you miss the most." I smiled sadly. "It'll get better." After a few minutes of silence I playfully punch his shoulder. "Besides you got me now. 24/6 for at least the next 21 days. You can talk to me, we can watch movies as long as you don't inflict anything too horribly teen angsty on me, and I am always more than happy to tease you. Whatever you need. I said grinning."

Christian groaned but was smiling. "Why am I afraid of what I've gotten myself into now?"

I couldn't help but smile back. "Afraid? Of me? Why ever would you say that?"

Christian rolled his eyes. "Come on, protect me as I go to see the feeders before lunch. Then after I'm having a training session. I'm actually glad you have to come. I think your perspective would be useful."

"Why Christian are you saying you want me for my brain?" I pretend to pout. "And all this time I thought it was my beauty that had you entrapped."

We were attacked as soon as we stepped out of the church. I instinctively shoved Christian away and almost went for the silver stake in my boot. Focus Rose, you don't feel nauseous so chances are not a Strigoi. I pulled out my fake stake instead and truly focused on our assailant. Stan. I grinned as I realized I got to kick his ass again. I swept the area for any other guardians, but couldn't see anyone else. Stan kicked me hard in the stomach, but I rolled away and swept his legs out form under him. I stabbed him with the fake stake. Almost too easy. I stood up and went back to Christian. I waited but no more shadows jumped out to attack.

"Not bad, Hathaway. Course I wouldn't have expected less," Stan said with a grin.

Stan walked away and I tried to mask my surprise. Christian shrugged. "The whole school thought you died. I heard some of the guardians talking about it once while I was in the chapel. Apparently there are some Dhampir that don't guard and instead hunt Strigoi even though it's frowned upon. Their life expectancy is even shorter than that of a guardian and they almost never hunt alone."

I thought of the young group I had briefly joined in Russia that grew smaller with every journey they took from home to hunt Strigoi. "Yeah it takes a special kind of stupidity to try that alone." I started out towards the cafeteria confident that Christian would follow.

As we walked I had to wonder what was the real stupidity. Going out alone and attempting to save the love my life from being a monster he would have hated. Or planning on leading my best friend and delicately kind Moroi into that same level of danger. A Moroi who I would hopefully be completely responsible for. The thought of staying here for two and a half more months while Dimitri was out there still evil was killing a part of my soul. The thought of having to take Lissa to rescue and free her kidnapper so I could lead her on a most likely wild goose case to save my boyfriend while fighting off the evils of the world made me wish graduation would never come.


	2. What's old is new again

**Again I don't own anything. All characters and the world of Vampire Academy belong to Richelle Mead. Just playing with the characters while I impatiently wait for the next book. Please review!!**

After Christian's brief visit to the feeders I could barely contain my excitement as I headed over to the cafeteria line. Finally food I could identify and was interested in eating.

"Aren't you done yet? You might break your plate if you keep this up," Christian whined as he obediently followed me carrying his soup.

"Hey it's not my fault you had to visit the feeders right before lunch. Some of us are working hard and saving your skin. That takes fuel, flame boy. You really oughta understand fuel."

After I was certain I couldn't fit anything else on my tray we headed to an empty table. I watched Lissa enter the cafeteria. She almost called out to me, but I slightly shook my head in negation. She glanced to see who I was sitting with and sent over waves of confusion when she saw Christian. _Why are you with Christian? Has he forgiven me?_ She thought loudly and hopefully. With a sigh I wished for the millionth time that this mind reading power thing went both ways. I shook my head in negation again.

"Should I be worried that you're nodding to yourself, Hathaway? Can't have any insanity in my guard, you know." He turned around and saw Lissa and stiffened. "Oh, I would say you should go sit with her, but your graduating depends on sharing my company. Sorry, Rose."

Adrian walked up to Lissa and whispered in her ear. She looked surprised but then smiled at me. _We'll hang after dinner when you're off duty?_ She thought. I was grateful he was able to make her understand. _Come by when you can_ she thought to me before sitting down with Adrian.

"Don't worry about it, Christian. She's a grown up, we can handle time apart. Didn't I just prove that? Besides none of this would have happened if I hadn't left her."

"Well it's true you probably would have finished field training by now if you hadn't left." He paused and seemed to be thinking something through. "Wait, you don't mean what happened between us wouldn't have happened if you were here?" I blushed and looked away. Damn I really hadn't meant to point out my guilt to flame boy of all people. "Rose, that's not your fault. It's like you just said, Lissa's a grown up. She's responsible for her own actions."

"Whatever, Ozera. I'm done, you about ready to head out of here?" He glanced to my tray which I had barely touched. He seemed to consider calling me out on my change of appetite but shrugged and took a last bite of his soup.

"Sure, this way we'll have to time to run by my room so I can change before training."

"Careful, you don't want to look too pretty for the jailbait," I said with a grin as I danced away from Christian before he could swing at me.

"There is nothing going on between me and Jill," Christian said through clenched teeth.

I looked at him trying to figure out this more serious side of Christian. I picked up my tray and headed towards the trash. "Christian? Do you think I'd really tease you like that if I truly believed there was any truth to it?" I snorted indignantly. "For that matter do you really think that I'd believe so poorly of you?"

Christian looked away briefly. He began to head towards the exit. I followed silently. When we got outside Christian turned to me. "I know I've never been your favorite person. I know you never thought I was good enough for Lissa. I wouldn't think you'd have a limit on how little you could think of me."

"Are you serious? In that same cafeteria I've almost gotten into fights protecting your honor. Granted I didn't want to start having slumber parties or braid your hair while we talked about boys, but I don't dislike you. While you may not be my favorite person in the world you're" my voice breaks slightly before I can continue, "you're not that far down on my list. Which seems to get shorter every time I turn around." It's my turn to look away as a tear slides down my face. "Of course you were good enough for Lissa. I was just jealous. I..." Damn this was harder than I thought it would be. "I-I was used to being her whole world. The only one she needed to protect her. She had you and all I had was a secret with a man I could never have. Sorry if I took all that out on you. Although it may have been easier to pick on you because you can be a bit of a pain of an ass sometimes." I said trying to lighten up my confession with a lame joke.

As Christian opened his mouth to reply we reached the empty gym. Jill popped up behind us and squeaked, "Omg it's you. When did you get back? Why are you here? You're not going to practice with us are you?" Her voice got more high pitched and nervous with each syllable.

I focused on not laughing. "Yes it's me, I got back the other day, I'm guarding Christian to finish my field assignment, and I haven't decided if you guys need my expertise or not yet. Did I forget anything?"

Jill opened and closed her mouth several times. Christian elbowed me lightly. "Hey, now, ease up. I'm down to the one last recruit, don't scare her off. I think you'll be impressed at our progress.

Christian led Jill down to the mats. "Let's start with those focusing exercises I taught you."

Christian and Jill sat staring at each other for almost 45 minutes. I guess I should be kind. It appeared that they were meditating but I have no way of proving that. Afterwards Jill slowly drew streams of water from the bathroom. They came together soaking a small brick of wood. Christian then attempted to light the wood on fire. After a minute or two of smoking it burst into flames.

I had to admit it looked like they had excellent focus. As Jill struggled to remove the water from another wooden brick Christian said, "I think that's good for today. So what did you think oh mighty guardian?"

I shrugged. "Looks like you have the magic stuff right on track."

Christian raised his eyebrows to me. "Are you implying there is something else we should be doing?"

"If you really mean to protect yourselves and others you need to work on physical training as well. The very first thing a guardian learns is the difference of when they should fight and when they should lead their protectees to safety and run. Even if all you're doing is fighting with magic physical endurance will make it easier. You should run laps."

Christian nodded slowly. "That makes a lot of sense. How often do you run?"

"I try to run several miles every day or two. It's easier the more frequently you do it. Feel up to a first session?" I grinned a little wickedly knowing from experience that this first run would hurt.

After five laps around the gym (about a mile) Jill and Christian were both wheezing. I slowed them to a walk and did two more laps before letting them stop. Jill came up to me before heading upstairs to shower. "Do you think you could run with me tomorrow?"

"Tomorrow is my only day off from my field training, but I have practice an hour after sunset. I'll warm up with a run double this length. You're welcome to join me for the first half."

Jill nodded earnestly, and normally I'd say I didn't think a moroi would get up so early to run with a dhampir, but this kid had determination in spades. I expected I had just found a new running parnter. Well, at least it'll help me get back in shape. Nothing like admiring younger eyes to make you push your hardest.

Christian and I headed to my dorm so I could grab a change of clothes. I rinsed off my face and changed quickly while he showered. I headed down to dinner. When we reached the cafeteria Christian said, "So I guess I'll see you this time tomorrow?"

I looked at him confused. "Why can't we eat dinner together? We always ate dinner together before my nights off."

Christian looked away as he grabbed his tray and began to fill it up. "Well I figured you'd rather eat with Lissa."

"Pfft. I mean I am going to hang with Lissa tonight, she is my best friend, but you're my Moroi. You're stuck with my, flame boy. Who would protect you from the fake Strigoi?"

Christian covered my tray in his flames that don't really burn anything for a few seconds before grinning at me. "Who said I can't protect myself?"

We sit down at an empty table. "I would love to see you do that to one of my teachers. It'd almost be worth flunking out for letting you protect yourself to see the look on their face. Can you imagine Stan? Or Alberta?" I couldn't help giggling.

"I am not facing your mother for letting you get expelled. I don't think I would survive!"

Here's hoping he never has to meet my father.

Christian made some lame excuse and left as soon as he was done eating. I wanted to call him out on his quick retreat, but I could see Lissa hovering by the feeders waiting for him to leave. As annoying as it was to have them trying to eat each others faces off at all times I'm already getting tired of trying to bridge this gap in our group.

Lissa slid into Christian's now empty seat quickly. "So you really have to be Christian's guardian again? For how long? Did you guys talk about me? Do you think he'll forgive me"

Adrian slid into the seat next to mine. "Cousin, maybe you should let her answer a question or two."

"Yes, I really am finishing my field assignment by guarding him for the next three weeks." I looked away not wanting to hurt Lissa's feelings. "Liss, you know I love you, but Christian is my friend too. It's hard enough balancing the two of you right now, but I'd really rather stay out of what's going on between the two of you. But I know he's always loved you, just give him time."

Lissa's eyes filled with tears as she nodded in agreement with me. _I need him so much_, she thought loudly as I struggled to block out her wave of sadness.

"So what are you ladies going to be up to tonight?" Adrian asked breaking the awkward silence.

I shrugged and waited for Lissa's answer. "Oh, I thought we'd have a girls night. Maybe a watch a movie in a lounge. Catch up. Maybe Rose will let me talk her into painting her nails. The usual," Lissa said with a grin.

"I'm so glad Rose is back, you'd almost worn me down on the nail painting issue," Adrian joked as we stood up to clear our trays.

"You're welcome to come if you've finally decided you're man enough for a manicure," Lissa said giggling.

"Nu-uh. I get exactly one girl night a week for the next few weeks. No boys allowed. Besides, don't you have something you should be doing Adrian?"

"Yes, ma'am. I think I'm really wearing you down, you seem very eager for me to get my assignment finished, even more eager than me. i think you're ready for the next step," Adrian said grinning as he hurried away before I could respond.

_Assignment?_ Lissa thought questioningly.

I grabbed her arm and led her towards my dorm. "I'll tell you as you paint my nails."

I explained my promise to give Adrian a fair shot if he funded my crazy adventure to kill Dimitri, and the assignment I asked him to write for his fair shot as Lissa turned my nails into an unflattering shade of pink.

"Hmm, this is not right."

"Well, it might not have been an agreement to marry him, but I plan on taking his proposal seriously. I think that's a fair shot," I said defensively.

Lissa looked at me like I'd just sprouted a second head. "I meant the color. This shade is gross. Why'd you let me paint seven of your nails without saying anything?"

I turned bright red. "Oh, that. Well I figured running off bought you one free bad fashion makeover choice. Glad that's over."

Lissa began to remove the pink before selecting a much more attractive maroon. "You think you'll really take his proposal seriously?" Lissa asked with obviously faked disinterest.

I sighed deeply. "Liss, I'm going to try, but honestly I love Dimitri. I mean I loved Dimitri. And look how that ended up. I became what I've always been most afraid of, a blood whore. I killed the love of my life only to find out I didn't do it well enough and will have to do it again after graduation. I'm just not ready to really give anyone else a shot." I debate telling Lissa of my half formulated plans to save Dimitri, but decide our girl talk has already taken too serious of an edge for the night.

Lissa nods as she inspects her work more carefully than nail polish really probably requires. "I know how much you cared about him. And you're my best friend in the world, but I just worry about Adrian. He was really a mess while you were gone." She smiled sadly. "I mean more of a mess than Adrian usually is," she said. _I've never seen anymore more broken. I was so afraid he'd overdose and leave forever_, she thought before focusing on the alphabet to block herself from projecting.

Lissa left soon after, neither of us had anymore more to say. I promised to meet her for breakfast. I laid down, but was unable to sleep. Exhaustion filled all of my muscles, but my mind wouldn't stop spinning.

_Dimitri leaning in to bite my neck again. Me leaning towards him with all of my might despite being dizzy from the previous days donations. _

_Tumbling under the sheets in the cabin. Feeling like I had all the time in the world, in love. Reaching perfection, connection, joy._

_Dimitri being unable to say 'I love you' Not even understanding why I was dismayed all he could say was 'I want you'_

_Dimitri's inability to finish me off no matter how many times I tried to attack him_

_His face when I spoke of his family. The hope that bloomed as he seemed almost normal for a few minutes at least. The image that burned into my mind as I later attempted to drive a silver stake through his heart. The image of the love for his family and the pride that I had proved myself acceptable to them._

For the first time in my life I was jealous of the Moroi's magic. I would give anything in the world to be able to slip into someone else's dreams. Anything to escape the nightmares I feel creeping up on me. Somehow even a night with Adrain didn't look so bad now.


	3. Perchance to sleep

**As always I own nothing! All belongs to the wonderful Richelle Mead, I'm just playing in her world. Please review, helps motivate me to write more!**

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I woke up stifling a scream. A reputation for middle of the night screaming is the last thing that I need. I looked at the clock and groaned. I had 5 hours before I needed to get up to get ready for practice. I couldn't have slept for more than an hour. I flopped over and tried to force myself to sleep. I tried to remember what I had dreamed about, but all I could focus on was the feeling of pure terror.

With a sigh I hopped out of bed. I tossed on some old sweats and a jacket and headed outside. Maybe some fresh air could clear my mind. I snuck past the guardian watching the door. You think with all the times I'd escaped this place they might amp up security a bit.

I wandered through the forest aimlessly. The sun glittered down through the trees and I realized it was one of my favorite parts of my journey. I had missed the sunlight in the couple of days I'd been back. How many years could go by without me taking a stroll at the height of the afternoon again? It's ironic that the safest time of day would almost always be forbidden to me.

I found myself outside the cabin. Of course my traitorous feet would have led me here. I peeked in the window and was disappointed the view does not hold anything more special to me. Somehow while I've been away the cabin has turned from a haven in a dream to just another building. Will all of my memories be like this? Fade until they're hardly recognizable as the experiences I had? Does this mean that everyone's right? Give me time and Dimitri can fade from my heart? I let my hand graze the scars that cover my neck. Dimitri has left his mark on me, I doubt I will ever be able to forget how he made me feel.

I resumed my walk through the trees listening to the sounds of life all around me. I stopped and sat beneath a large tree. I watched a few rabbits playing. As I focused on them my eyelids drifted closed.

_'You've always been mine, Roza.' His hands dug into my shoulders, but I shuddered in anticipation of what was to come. He began to draw away from me and I whimpered softly at the loss of contact. He smiled humorlessly. 'See, Roza? Mine' In an instant his fangs found my throat and I joyfully lost myself in being his._

I shot up scaring the rabbits still running around across for me. Damn the same rabbits. How long could I have been out? A few minutes? This time I remembered snippits of my dream and I wish I didn't. I shook quickly before briskly walking back up to my dorm, wishing I could leave my dreams in the woods behind me.

It was just as easy to sneak into the dorm as out of it. After I graduated and left the academy forever I'd have to anonymously let Alberta know the holes in her campus defense system.

I slipped into my room and glared at the clock. Three and a half more hours to kill. I debated crawling back into bed and giving sleep one last try, but I don't have the courage. Instead I cleaned out my closet and took inventory. Not that I'll have money anytime in the new future to get any of the serious holes in my wardrobe, but organizing my needs kept me busy for almost two hours. Then I wrote a long letter to Olena and the rest of Dimitri's family. I know they'll never truly be my family, but I can't help wondering what would have happened if I'd stayed with them. It may never have been real, but it would have been a nice dream. _'You might have been happy there'_ Dimitri's words echo through my mind shattering the peace I've painstakingly built.

With a sigh at the clock I decided it was late enough that I could take a shower and get ready for training. I reached the track about half an hour before I told Jill to meet me. I started running anyway. I had to force myself not to push too hard. Running made me feel peaceful and free. Two things I couldn't remember the last time I felt.

It took me a few minutes to notice that Jill began to run around the track too. Damn, I thought living in the "real world" fighting real enemies would have sharpened my awareness. I slowed slightly and let Jill catch up to me.

"Am I late?" she asked timidly after a few minutes of silence.

I checked the sky distractedly. "Nope, I've just been doing this longer and need to exert myself further to get the same benefit."

Jill nodded, but looked like she didn't believe me. Great, now I'd have a mini me frying in the sunlight just to prove she can take as much as I can.

"Do you think you can teach me how to fight?"

I raised an eyebrow at her. "I thought that's what Ozera was doing."

"No, well yes he's teaching me to fight with my magic which is good, but I want to be able to defend myself physically too."

I slowed to walk and observed the way Jill was moving. If she was Dhampir I would guess she'd make a serviceable guardian. None of the natural grace that comes with genetics or starting training at age 3, but she would pass. I shook my head slowly. I sat down to stretch and Jill joined me. As I completed the exercises I showed her my scars. "This is where I broke my arm in class practicing. I was 13. This is where a classmate through me across the room and I broke a rib. Thousands of bruises and cuts. I've been to the hospital so many times I'm waiting for my own private bed. Fighting is not a lifestyle choice you should make when you have options. You have options, Jill."

Jill finished her stretch and stood up. "Maybe I have options, but not knowing how to fight never kept anyone who was being attacked from getting hurt. Maybe I'd get bruises in practice, but it's better than...it's better than dying." Jill walked away before I could recover enough to answer.

Damn, now I'd have to add corrupting the youth to my already busy schedule. I made a mental note to check in with Christian about adding more physical defense work to his trainings with her.

Alberta came out with a person I'd never seen dressed in guardian's gear. Oh God, I hope it's not a new mentor. I don't think I can take calling anyone else my mentor. Consider me mentored to the hilt already.

"Miss. Hathaway, I'd like you to meet Guardian Charles Higgins. He will not be joining us this morning, but he has volunteered to help test your field training assignment. I wanted to make sure you were familiar with all of the faces that could jump out at you and Mr. Ozera." Her face softened slightly. "Young guardians tend to be...jumpy after their first real job."

Guardian Higgins appeared to be about thirty. He was at least six feet tall and clearly well muscled. He nodded as he saw me looking him over. "Would you mind if I observed your training?"

"Isn't that like cheating," I said before I could catch myself.

Guardian Higgins' mouth twitched as though he was fighting a smile. "Are you saying you need the element of surprise? Besides don't the rest of your instructors participating know your fighting style quite well?"

I shrugged and smiled at him. "Sure, feel free to watch me get my behind handed to me. Try not to hold it against me at grading time."

Alberta and I sparred for over an hour. I only was able to connect with her once or twice, but I blocked more punches than I took. I tried to remind myself I hadn't really been training in over a month. When Alberta told me I could stop I stood focusing on not panting. Guardian Higgins was no where to be seen.

"Not bad, Ms. Hathaway. Of course I expected no less from Guardian Belikova's prodigee." I looked over my bruised and battered body confused at how this was anything but dismal. Alberta smiled savagely, "Guardian Belikova was never able to beat me either." Alberta walked away without waiting for an answer. Maybe I should be worried that everyone who spends more than a few minutes with me ends up walking away without waiting for a response.

I took another long shower before breakfast. I'd have to talk to Eddie about keeping an eye on Christian so I could do more than washing up. Six days of constant training and no showers would really have people running in the opposite direction.

I arrived late to the cafeteria which I vowed to never do again on my day off. Not because someone ate all the doughnuts (even though I definitely saw three on Eddie's plate alone), but because Adrian and Lissa were seated at one table and Christian and Jill were seated on the other side of the cafeteria. Both groups of far too cheery people waved me over. I hesitated for what felt like the longest minute ever before joining Eddie and a couple of our classmates. It didn't hurt that this put me in the perfect position to steal one of Eddie's doughnuts.

"Hey, if you don't sleep in you can get your own," Eddie said as he half-heartedly tried to get it back. With a dramatic sigh he turned back to his plate. "A bunch of us are getting together tonight. I got a bottle of peach schnopps in honor of your return. You in?" Eddie asked like I had never left and everything was normal.

"In my honor huh?" I asked grinning, knowing at the very most I was an excuse to get wasted. "I'd love to, but I'm in remedial field training. Stuck making sure Ozera makes it through the year alive. I'm back on duty after dinner. Make sure to have a drink in my honor."

Eddie laughed. "Don't worry, I'll have two. I can't believe they're making you do field training alone. Hey, let me know if you need a break for anything. Christian isn't as bad a guy as you make him sound. I can help get him to graduation if you want."

"I will definitely take you up on that, Eddie," I said with a mischievous grin. Eddie squirmed slightly but didn't take back his offer. As if the guardians would get away with having Eddie babysit Christian more than absolutely necessary. There are no days off, no sick days when it's your job to protect someone with your life.

Lissa walked up to the table with Adrian trailing behind her. "Want to watch a movie and hang out with us?" Lissa asked nervously.

"It depends...who picked the movie?" I asked with a grin.

Lissa smiled, "Well we were going to hang in Adrian's rooms, so I would think he'd want to pick, but I bet we could take him." She held up her still bruised hand in a fist and grinned.

"Sounds good, I need to relax, get ready to go back on duty tonight."

Adrian looked at Lissa measuringly. "I resent the implication that you could 'take me,'" As Lissa and I stepped into his space he held up his arms in defeat. "I didn't say I was going to make you fight me. I just meant that clearly I am enough of a gentleman to refuse to fight a lady."

I snickered. "A gentleman huh?" We started to walk towards guest quarters. As Adrian opened the door, bowing dramatically for us to pass before him, I noticed I hadn't been forced to try to breathe through a cloud of clove cigarette scented smoke. Not wanting to jinx anything I let it go without comment.

We settled onto Adrian's couch with me in the middle. Adrian handed me the remote without a word. I looked at him questioningly. "Consider it like a person on death row's last meal. It's your last movie in freedom for an entire week."

"Are you seriously comparing my having to hang out and guard Christian from fake Strigoi to being electrocuted to death?"

Adrian got up and went to the kitchen. "Stop twisting everything I say around and pick a movie before I decide Lissa is more deserving of the honor. Order whatever you want."

I flipped through the choices realizing just how long it'd been since I'd seen a movie in English. I settle on The Taking of Pelham 123. Lissa groans. "Hey you heard the man, it's the last movie I'll ever be able to watch."

Adrian came back in with three bottles of coke. He sighed deeply before sitting back down next to me. "I believe I was clear that it was an analogy not a declaration. I had hoped we might even be able to watch another movie before you had to leave us. I have a surprise coming for lunch."

I tossed Lissa the remote. "See, there you go. You can pick the second movie."

"How kind of you to give away my remote. It's not like I'm the one paying for the movies, of course I wouldn't want a choice," Adrian said dryly.

"Of course you would, Adrian. You had the ultimate choice. You **chose** to give me the remote. Now shh, it's starting."

"You do realize that remote comes with a pause button, right?" Adrian said lightly before complying with my request for quiet.

_Tell me, were Christian and I so obvious in our initial flirting?_ Lissa thought pointedly at me. I glared at him witheringly and wished she could hear my mental shout of 'we're not flirting.'

I got really into the movie, but I think it was more about it's being in English than about any outstanding performance by John Travolta. Don't get me wrong, he's done some great movies, but this was not his finest. Adrian excused himself near the end of the movie, but I barely noticed his absence.

I headed to the bathroom as soon as the credits finished. I may not know any of the people whose names stream across the screen, but they worked hard to be a part of the movie, and I think it's disrespectful to ignore that. Maybe that's only because I'm going to spend most of my life being one of those behind the scenes people, but I like to think it's just courtesy.

When I walked back into the living room my mouth began to water. "Oh my god, is that pizza I smell? Real pizza, not just french bread with sauce and cheese?"

"Didn't I promise you we'd eat like this every day when you came back? I always try to keep my promises. I should definitely put that in my essay."

I rolled my eyes. "Whatever, miracle man, just pass the pizza. You should know it isn't wise to tease a trained warrior like this. What are we watching next, Lissa?"

Lissa just grinned at me as she took a big bite of her pizza. I tried to get into her head to see what was in store but she blocked me. I finished my pizza as The Ugly Truth started up. I glared at Liss as I realized just what she was trying to say. Note to self: separate time with Lissa and Adrian to avoid less than subtle messages such as these. Adrian wisely said nothing at all. I tried hard not to enjoy myself, but I found laughter escaping despite my best efforts.

I left right after the movie. It had gotten late, and I had to hurry to be able to grab a bag of my stuff to bring to Christian's room before dinner. I knocked on his door. "Come on, flame boy, your personal guardian is here," I called out sweetly.

Christian opened the door. "Do you have to call me flame boy all the time? What kind of loyal guardian are you anyway?" Christian asked with a smile.

I pushed past him, "So where can this loyal and weary guardian put down her stuff?" I looked around his room and realized there was a bed made on the floor. Christian pointed to an empty section in his closet. "Aww, how sweet. Did you miss me yesterday Ozera?"

"Just trying to make it comfortable enough for you not to leave me defenseless again, Hathaway."

We headed down and grabbed a quick dinner at the cafeteria. We both ate lightly, Christian had visited the feeders shortly before I came and I was still full from the five slices of pizza I'd managed to put away.

After the third time I yawned Christian asked, "Wow, Hathaway, am I really that boring?"

"Well...I wasn't going to be so crude as to say anything but -" Christian pushed me playfully. "Hey, is that any way to treat your loyal protector?"

Christian and I headed towards the library so he could study after dinner. Before we reached the doors I was jumped by someone dressed in black with a mask covering their face. I bent over and used their momentum to flip them over my head. I pushed Christian away. I hesitated between which stake to grab. In my hesitation my assailant swept my legs out from under me. I slid into the fall and regained control quickly. I elbowed them in the face hard and could hear the grunt of pain. I pulled the mask off and saw Guardian Higgins. Grabbing the fake stake I "killed" him.

"Couldn't wait to try me out, huh, Guardian Higgins?"

"Nope, I couldn't resist after seeing you with Captain Alberta. I think you broke my nose. I gotta say I was a little worried there. You seemed to be hesitating. What were you waiting for?

Somehow I didn't think it'd go over well if I said why I really hesitated. _Well you see, sir, I'm a little worried that my Strigoi ex-boyfriend is on his way to kill my friends and turn me into his blood whore until I finally give up and allow him to turn me. _"What can I say? You caught me by surprise."

Guardian Higgins gave me a hard considering look. I could tell he didn't believe me, but he shrugged and walked back towards the main building.

"Hey, Christian, you mind if we call it a night? I really am a little tired."

Christian stared at me, trying to figure out what was wrong. He finally shrugged, "How can I deny my fearless protector rest? Even if she does have a nasty habit of tossing me into walls." He rubbed his arm soothingly as he grinned.

The bed on the floor was more comfortable than I expected. I meant to say Thank you, but I only blinked for a second before sleep engulfed me.


	4. Living the dream

**As always I own nothing...Just playing in Richelle Mead's world. I hope you enjoy it and please review helps motivate me to write faster!!**

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_'Roza how can you refuse to join me? I've given up everything for you. You've tried to stake me and still I want you.'_

_I sink against his frame. The world sinks away and I can't remember why I ever said no. I love him. Of course I'll spend the rest of eternity by his side. I stretch up to move my neck closer to his mouth, a silent consent to do what he must. 'I love you,' I whisper._

_'I know, my Roza.' His fangs sink into my neck, an instant of perfect agony before I can feel nothing at all._

I jump up off my makeshift bed on the floor. I bite my lip to keep from calling out. The taste of blood helps me to slow my breathing to something like normal. I peek at the clock and am dismayed to realize I'd barely been asleep for twp hours. I check Christian's bed as I get up to use the bathroom. He appears asleep and I'm relieved. Explaining my nightmares to flame boy is not on my must do list. I splashed cold water on my face. I sink back into bed, but my nerves felt too wired for me to relax.

Would I really be able to resist again? It killed a large piece of me to stake Dimitri and allow him to fall. "Killing" Dimitri was the single most painful experience in my life. I like to believe I'm strong. I've spent my whole life preparing to be able to protect others, priding myself on my strength. I hate to admit it, but I just might not be that strong. I don't think there's enough of me left to say no anymore.

All of this is only proof that I must find Robert Doru and figure out how to save Dimitri before he finds me. The two and half months until graduation feel like a lifetime. Every second only makes it more likely that Dimitri will find me and I'll have to choose. It's not only about saving Dimitri and his immortal soul. I can't wait and be forced into that choice because I no longer believe I would be able to choose correctly.

I stare at the ceiling counting slowly to one thousand to attempt to push thoughts of the future and Dimitri out of my mind. I need to sleep and clearly dwelling on what I have done or will have to do isn't working. Somewhere near 900 I slipped back away.

I woke up an hour later with no recollection of dreaming. I was still almost an hour early for training, but a sunset jog sounded like heaven.

Twenty minutes after sunset Jill was jogging behind me. I slowed until she caught up. "Stay and watch me train today. If you still want to learn how to fight after that I'll teach you."

Jill nodded and we jogged in silence for half an hour. Jill was breathing heavily but keeping up, I have to admit I was a little impressed. Didn't expect a Moroi child to be so dedicated. I slowed our pace to a walk so we could cool off.

Guardian Higgins arrived and gave me a confused look. "And who is this?"

I shrugged. "You're not the only one with something useful to teach."

"An answer that avoids the question entirely." I shrugged and refused to answer. "Fine, Ms. Hathaway. Are you ready to train?"

Despite being exhausted I grinned savagely. "Thought you'd never ask."

I would love to say I recovered from having my ass handed to me by Alberta the previous day, but Guardian Higgins seemed to have found new speed and resolve. Maybe shoving Christian is the magically lucky part of fighting my teachers and winning.

After the training was done I was panting and sweaty and gross. Guardian Higgins smiled slightly. "Good job, Ms. Hathaway. No one will be attacking Mr. Ozera if you wish to shower before breakfast."

Hmm I wonder if he was trying to tell me something. With a nod I turned to run to the dorms. I heard someone following me and I turned back to see Jill. "Sorry, I really want that shower though. I think following Christian around like this today will get me expelled for human indecency. What'd you think?"

"I think it looks hard and painful, but I think it's scary to not know anything. I really want to learn if you'll teach me."

"Ok, I'll talk to flame boy and see if it can be built into your trainings with him or if we'll schedule separate times. I also have to spend pretty much all my time with him until my field service assignment is done, so he really has to be willing to at least watch."

Before I could blink Jill's arms were around me in a hug. "Thank you, thank you, thank you!"

I stood awkwardly in her embrace for a few seconds before saying "Umm, you're welcome?"

Jill seemed to realize how uncomfortable I was and released me suddenly. "Thanks!" she squealed one more time before running off towards her dorm. If she still had the energy to run I need to push the pace for our next jog.

After my shower I hurry down to the cafeteria. I get there just a Christian finishes with the feeders. As we eat I talk to him about Jill's request. To my surprise Christian is not only willing to support us but would like lessons of his own. An excuse to smack around flame boy? Priceless.

Christian's classes all pass uneventfully. We don't get attacked a single time, but several passing guardians glare at me as I yawn. I really need to be able to sleep tonight.

After Christian and Jill had their practice I took over as teacher. "Alright, the first thing you need to learn if you would like to be able to defend yourself physically is how to fall."

"Why do I get the feeling you're just making this up?" Christian asked, his voice dripping with sarcasm. Even Jill looks confused.

I shake my head slowly. "While I'm not going to lie and say the thought of knocking you to the ground doesn't amuse me a little, it really is one of the basics. If you fall incorrectly you could get seriously hurt. If you're in control of your fall you'll be able to get back up more quickly. With less bruises which should be all you need to hear." I should Christian how to knock my legs out from under me and demonstrate a good fall. I do the same move to Christian and he attempts to relax and move his body with momentum but clearly hits with more force than he intended.

I let Jill and Christian practice for about twenty minutes (I figure their efforts will hurt a bit less than mine and it gives them practice knocking down an opponent too) I ended practice with a ten minute jog.

I grabbed Eddie on our way upstairs. "Can you babysit flame boy so I can take a shower?"

"If I didn't require you to shower so badly I would argue that I need a babysitter," Christian said gruffly.

"Whatever I'm not failing because you got fake killed by a fake Strigoi because I didn't get someone to keep an eye on you for ten minutes. Just think, you'll probably never be as safe as you are right now." I easily ducked Christian's friendly shove and grabbed myself and headed to my second shower of the day. The hot water and steam made me drowsy. I sighed at the need to go down to the cafeteria, but forced my body to comply.

Christian and I had just sat down when I loudly heard, "_I miss you, Rose_," in my head. It was going to be a long three weeks if Lissa was already sulking. Lissa hovered next to our table before finally greeting me.

"Hey, Rose. I'm trying to get permission to go off campus to shop for a graduation dress. If I can convince the headmistress would you like to come?"

She pointedly ignored Christian who began to turn slightly red. "Liss, I'd love to, but I think I'm going to be busy for a while. Plus I don't really have any money to be buying a new dress."

"Oh well maybe you can guard me for extra credit or something," Lissa said hopefully with a smile.

"Hey, Rose, did you want to swing by one of the lounges and watch some tv before dinner? I don't need to go to the library today," Christian said, ignoring Lissa.

I'd like to say it was lack of sleep, but I'm afraid it really was just the type of person that I am. "That's enough! You two are behaving like children. I refuse to be the toy torn apart by two toddlers unwilling to share. Lissa either sit down or wait a week to talk to me. It's rude to ignore someone I am clearly eating with and was talking to before you came. Even worse he's your friend. I know you messed up, and I know you're broken up, but before he was your boyfriend he was your friend. As a friend of yours that's messed up a lot I would have thought you would be able to look past all that and be there for him. And Christian just because Lissa was rude did not mean you had to be. I don't know you as well, but I thought friendship meant something to you. Are you really so immature that you can't make eye contact? Say hi? Sit near her? Those are things you'd do to any stranger on the street. If you can't figure out some way to be civil to each other than I will take a page from your books and ignore you both. It'll be a long three weeks, flame boy," I yelled. All eyes in the cafeteria were on us. Oops.

At some point during my tirade Adrian came up behind Lissa. He looked between the three of us, shrugged and sat down. He pushed out a chair for Lissa and looked up at her, waiting. Lissa hesitated but finally sat down. Adrian and I tried to keep a conversation going, but getting either Lissa or Christian to participate was like pulling teeth.

Even though I was only halfway done with my tray I was thrilled when Christian asked if we could head upstairs. He and Adrian were whispering while I dumped out my tray into the trash. I tried to listen to what they were saying, but Lissa came and distracted me.

"I really am sorry, Rose. It's just so hard, but I promise I'll try." She hugged me briefly before heading out towards her dorm.

I walked up to Christian. "So, tv? Anything but reality, please."

Christian glared at me. "Do you really think I'd watch reality tv?"

"You know you're a closet American Idol fan," I said with a grin. "Joining us?" I asked Adrian.

Adrian smiled at the invitation. As much as I'd love to, I have an assignment to finish. I should be done tomorrow." Adrian winked at me before strolling towards the guest housing.

Christian looked at me confused. "What assignment? I thought he was done with school?" My face turned red and I mumbled a response before walking towards his dorm, knowing he'd follow.

I barely made it through a single episode of The Simpsons before I started to nod off.

_'Is this really worth it, Roza? Is this life as you prefer it really superior? You're miserable, I could make you happy. Adorn you in beautiful things as you deserve. You and I could do anything we pleased. No one, nothing could come between us.' _

_Dimitri slid closer to me. He reached out and I leaned towards his hand as though drawn by a magnet. He lightly brushed my shoulder and allowed his hand to slide down the length of my body, sending me a wave of goosebumps. As his hand lingered by my waist I stepped towards him. _

_'Tsk-tsk, you know better, Roza. Not until you join me. I have given you so much, fought for you, I almost died for you. Why can't you do this one little thing for me?' He leaned in towards my neck and breathed gently across my scar. I whisper of what could be. Tears sprung to my eyes at the pain of being so close but not being touched by him. _

_'Roza I grow thirsty. I think until you join me I will find a more suitable dinner. I've long since wanted to taste a royal. You don't mind sharing your friends, do you Roza?'_

I shoot up, a gasp bubbling up my throat. An episode of CSI is on the screen. "Wow, you'd think you'd never seen a decapitated person before. Shouldn't a distinguished guardian have a stronger stomach?" Christian asked with a look that told me he knew the gruesome murder was not responsible for my surprise.

I shrugged. "Just caught me by surprise,"I mumbled.

Christian raised his eyebrows in surprise, I think about my lack of a sarcastic quip. What could I say though? 'Oh yes, I'm not scared of the headless body, but of the now undead love of my life refusing to bite me until I agreed to become undead. Oh and while I decided he was going to munch on my friends, of which you are one.' Riii-ght that wouldn't go over poorly.

We watched another episode before Christian yawned theatrically. "Ready for bed, fearless warrior?"

I shrug as though sleep does not matter, but I am so exhausted I just want to weep from weariness. I get ready for bed quickly and wait impatiently for Christian to climb into bed.

Just after I laid down and was preparing to sleep Christian whispered quietly, "Hey, Rose?"

"Yes, flame boy?"

"I know how hard this is for you....with Lissa and all. I know she's your friend and you're stuck with me. I'm sorry. I'll try, but it's so hard. I'm still so hurt." His voice trailed off and I could have sworn I heard a sniffle.

I sighed. "It's not your fault really. And I'm not stuck with you, I'd have the same frustrations even if I wasn't spending every moment with you." Christian snorts. "Fine, maybe it would have taken longer to get pissed off, but Lissa is my best friend. Even though I wouldn't have exploded like that I would have been constantly reminding her just how stupid she was asking. Don't ask me how it happened but you are my friend, Christian."

Christian was quiet long enough that I almost fell back asleep. "I know. Sweet dreams, Rose."

I managed to mumble, "You too," before losing the battle to stay awake.

_I found myself at the ocean's shore. The sun was far brighter than I had ever seen. I glanced down at what I was wearing: maroon skimpy bikini top and cut off denim shorts. 'Adrian? I know you're out there! Come out so you can tell me whatever you need to say and leave so I can get some sleep! I'm tired.'_

_Adrian chuckled and walked out from behind a few rocks. 'Can't fool you, little dhampir, can I?'_

_'What do you want?'_

_Adrian sighed. 'I know you're tired, but you are asleep, little dhampir. We've had this discussion so many times. Your body is resting as we speak.'_

_'You're avoiding the question, Adrian. What do you want?'_

_'And if I said simply the pleasure of your company? Is that really so tiresome?' Adrian said as he grinned charmingly._

_'I just saw you, we ate dinner together, remember? Let me get some sleep!'_

_Adrian sighed and looked away. 'That's just the problem, little dhampir, you haven't been sleeping. You look like you haven't slept in weeks. Christian is worried. He said you barely slept at all last night, and what little sleep you got appeared to be riddled with nightmares. I am here so you can sleep. If you want a different setting just say it. I'll fade into the background, pretend I'm not here. Just get some rest, little dhampir.'_

_Flame boy ratted me out to ADRIAN? I was going to kill him when I woke up. There is such a thing as Moroi/Dhampir loyalty...or there should be. He doesn't even like Adrian. I thought we were friends. 'You want me to create a dream for me? You want to watch me dream? Isn't that a little creepy?'_

_Adrian sighed again. 'What if I promise not to look? I'm worried, you need to sleep. Please? Try?'_

_I sighed too. 'Fine, but you're only winning because I'm too tired to argue anymore.' I noticed Adrian was also wearing a swimsuit. My eyes quickly trailed up and were helpless caught by his washboard abs. Maybe this wouldn't be the worst dream ever._

_His face lit up with my agreement. 'So what'll it be? Where in the world would you like to go?'_

_'Here is pretty nice. Is the water warm? I was thinking maybe...maybe we could take a swim? Although if I'm tired and sore from it in the morning I will knock you into next week," I ended gruffly._

_His eyes lit up at my use of we. 'It would be my pleasure , little dhampir. And I promise you can knock me around all you want if it makes you sore, which it won't because you are sleeping not really swimming.'_

_I lost track of how long we were swimming around, splashing each other. I climbed out of the water and laid in the sand, enjoying the sun. If this wasn't taking place in Adrian's head I would say it was just about perfect._


	5. Not just a bed of roses

**As always I own absolutely nothing, it all belongs to Richelle Mead. Please review, it really means a lot and helps me to be motivated!!**

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I woke up to see Christian tip toeing past me. "How can I protect you if you sneak away from me?" I asked lazily. As I slowly stood up. I glanced at the clock and was shocked to see I only had ten minutes before training, and I completely missed my jogging appointment with Jill. I shoved Christian lightly. "Why'd you let me sleep in so much? Now I'm going to be late!"

Without waiting for Christian to answer I grabbed some sweats, changed in the bathroom quickly and ran down to practice. Alberta looked up at me and turned down to her watch.

"I know, sorry I'm late, Alberta. I must have slept through my alarm." Or a certain meddling soon to be deceased Moroi shut it off. I wonder if I'll still fail if I'm the one to kill Christian.

I rushed through a few stretches and took a defensive stance. No time like the present to start. After an hour of Alberta thoroughly kicking my ass I was ready for a shower. I was surprisingly not tired. Damn Adrian for being right. Maybe I can pretend to yawn whenever he's around so he doesn't know his dream crashing worked.

"Can I walk you back to the dorms? I'd like to talk with you about something," Alberta said.

I shrug. "Sure."

"I know you've always planned on being Lissa's guardian, but it appears decisions were made while you were away. I know that the headmistress is doing her best, but we're hitting a wall. We will keep trying, but I was hoping you might agree to stay here and be an academy guardian if we're unable to get you assigned to Lissa." I tried to stay focused on her words, but I felt lost. Not be Lissa's guardian? I've spent my whole life training for only one thing: to be **Lissa's** guardian. Other Dhampir may train to be guardians, but my goal was always more focused than that.

"I don't know what to say," I finally answered honestly as we reached the dorms.

Alberta looked at me with sympathy. "I understand. Just think about it. I think you'd make an excellent teacher."

My eyes were stinging with tears. I nodded and rushes inside so that Alberta would not see me cry. With a sigh I realize I wasn't told I could shower and I hadn't thought to ask Eddie. I guess I will be Sweaty Rose today.

I reach Christian's room and am surprise to see a note with my name written on it taped to the door. I wonder if it's Adrian's assignment. I open it and see that it's not from Adrian and am surprised to realize I'm a little disappointed. Huh, I wonder when that happened.

_**Rose-**_

_**Knew you'd be sweaty and gross after practice, so I asked Eddie to head down to practice with me. This does not mean I agree that I need a babysitter. Just ensuring the safety pf the community by making sure that you bathe after practice.**_

_**You beloved Moroi,**_

_**Christian**_

I smiled and shook my head as I went into the room to gather my things for a shower. Too bad it's not quite a big enough gesture to make me forget how he betrayed me to Adrian.

After my shower I hurry down to get breakfast before classes start. I grabbed a doughnut and an apple and leaned against the wall facing the table that Christian, Adrian, Lissa, and Eddie were sitting at. At least my outburst yesterday seemed to have knocked some sense into my stubborn friends. Christian and Eddie looked confused at my position. Adrian turned slightly red and stared at his empty plate. I forced myself not to chuckle. I hadn't even considered that he might assume I was avoiding him. Two Moroi, one stone.

_'You're not still mad at me, are you? I'm trying.'_ Lissa thought sadly to me.

I made eye contact and smiled at her while I shook my head in negation.

_'Tell me later?'_ she asked, all trace of sadness gone.

I smile again and nod in affirmation.

Christian got up and cleared his tray. He walked towards me. "Hey, Rose, you ready to head to class?"

I tossed my half-eaten apple into the trash. "Of course, Mr. Ozera, sir."

A flash of pain and confusion crossed his eyes. "What's wrong, Rose?"

"Nothing, Mr. Ozera."

I started to head outside with Christian trailing behind me. "Damnit, Rose! What the hell is wrong? I sat with her, I'm trying. You're supposed to be my friend too, you can't blackmail me into being with her."

"Did you ever think that maybe, just maybe, everything is not about you and Lissa?" I asked through clenched teeth. "I thought you were my friend too, but clearly I was mistaken. Friends don't sell each other out or set each other up."

"Huh?" Christian seemed genuinely confused. Realization blossomed on his face. "Oh, you mean with Ivashkov? I did that for you, Rose. I was worried about you. How much longer do you think you could have gone with so little sleep? I was just trying to help."

"I didn't ask for your help! I was handling the situation myself-"

"No, Rose, you weren't handling anything. You were being stubborn. You were doing your typical routine. Get yourself into trouble and close yourself off from the people who care about you. You have friends who will help you. Everyone needs help sometimes, there's nothing wrong with that," Christian interrupted loudly.

I closed my eyes to prepare what I am going to yell back when it hits me, flame boy is right. Maybe things with Dimitri could have been different if I hadn't gone alone. Me refusing to allow my friends to offer to help was just as bad as Christian going behind my back to do it. "Fine, I will let you help if you want, but you have to do it like a friend should. You have to come to me, friends don't sneak behind each other's backs. Friends don't arrange for their friends' stalkers to corner them in their sleep. Deal?"

Christian looked at me suspiciously. "How do I know you'll let me help?"

With a sigh I said, "I might not always let you. Christian, I appreciate it, but if it's safer for you not to be involved that's what I'm going to do. It's ingrained into my very being. Our motto is 'them first' for god's sake. But I do promise to try to be open to letting you help."

"That's the best I'm going to get, isn't it?"

"Mm-hmm. If this doesn't work I'll go back to my original plan of completely kicking your ass."

"Fine, but I gotta say, Rose, it was way easier being your enemy than it is being your friend."

"I know the feeling, flame boy."

We walked into Christian's first class late, but the teacher merely glanced and us and went back to teaching. I grinned as I realized she probably thought we were delayed by an attack. Maybe field training has a use or two.

Maybe it was because I wasn't so tired today, but I was able to pay much more attention in Christian's classes. Some of them, like trig, just made my head hurt, but I realized I'd never noticed just how interesting his magic class was.

Watching Christian demonstrate a more advanced version of the basic fire protection circle spell I realized just how much the Moroi were crippling themselves. No wonder Christian wants to explore offensive magic, there is so much less defensive magic for fire. Fire was, by nature, a weapon.

All of the other Moroi in the class struggled through the spell that took Christian seconds. For a brief moment I was proud, before I remembered that Christian wasn't really my Moroi.

At lunch Adrian handed me a package. What kind of essay takes a box to wrap it?

"What is it?" I asked suspiciously.

"You know, the point of wrapping a box is for the surprise involved in opening it, Little Dhampir."

I scowled. "I didn't ask for you to get me anything, Ivashkov."

Adrian just smiled in the face of my scowl. "Wouldn't have been a present if you did."

_'Are you sure this isn't flirting?'_ Lissa thought.

"For the last time, I am not flirting with Adrian," I shouted to Lissa. As the realization of just how much of a spectacle of myself I had made sunk in I could feel my face turn red.

I grabbed the package in one arm and pulled Christian away from the table with my other. We got outside before I let go of his arm. I started to tell him to stop smirking at me when I noticed two shadowy figures come towards us. Did I really ever complain that the teachers went too easily on me?

Both figures were masked. I considered my silver stake, but decided the likelihood of Dimitri bringing along a friend to kill me at the academy was small, and I couldn't afford another poor mark for hesitating. I tossed Christian the package from Adrian as he scooted himself towards the wall, away from the fight. Smart Moroi, must be tired of getting shoved.

I punched one of my attackers in the kidney before they could attack and as he knelt over in pain I elbowed him in the head. He dropped down grunting in pain. I turned towards my other attacker. He moved quickly around me to attack at my side. I kicked him and he knocked me over a bush he'd positioned behind me. Rose thorns dug into my skin. I always knew the teachers held a grudge for getting their asses kicked by the students year after year. I grabbed his arm the next time he went to punch I pulled him down in the bush with me. I "staked" him and went back towards my fallen appointment. I kicked him one more time to make sure he wasn't faking and "staked" him as well. Stan and Guardian Higgins pulled off their masks.

"Not bad, Hathaway," Stan said as he pulled himself out of the rose bush.

"Are those ugly masks contagious or something?"

"Some of us agreed with Guardian Higgins' reasoning for the masks. I think it makes things more interesting," Stan said as he grinned savagely.

"Surely you're up for a little challenge, Ms. Hathaway? Clearly you need one," Guardian Higgins said with a ghost of a smile.

With a huff I said, "I'm up for anything you can throw at me."

"I await the day we test that, Ms. Hathaway."

Christian wordlessly handed me my package and we headed towards his next class. I felt incredibly stupid carrying around Adrian's package, but I couldn't leave Christian to run it up to my room.

I made it through the rest of the day without punching any of the students snickering behind my back. I feel like that deserved a reward, even if it proved Miss. Congeniality was out of the picture.

While I waited for Christian to come out of the bathroom I opened Adrian's package. Inside was a sleek black cell phone. I picked it up and opened it. **13 New Text Messages**.

How the hell could I have 13 messages on a phone I didn't even know the number to?

**Adrian: welcome to the 21st century little dhampir ;)**

**Adrian: I told you I wasn't going to take more messages for you**

**Adrian: Please don't be mad**

**Adrian: What kind of teenage girl doesn't want a phone?**

**Adrian: Don't make me phone stalk you too**

**Lissa: OMG isn't this awesome?! Now we can talk even when you're with Christian**

**Adrian: You have to answer me sometime**

**Lissa: What was up with you this morning?**

**Adrian: I know you're mad at me 4 last night**

**Adrian: I'm sorry but you needed sleep**

**Lissa: Were you really mad at Adrian?**

**Lissa: He wouldn't say what he did**

**Adrian: I'm coming over**

I was already exhausted and I hadn't even replied yet. Christian came out of the bathroom. "Ohh finally opened it huh? How many messages did stalker boy leave? 100?"

I glared at Christian. "You knew about this too? Didn't we just talk about the whole friends before stalker issue?" I asked through clenched teeth.

Christian raised his hands in front of him defensively. "Hey, sorry, I didn't think it went so far as to ruin surprises for presents."

"You had to know I would be pissed."

"Are you seriously telling me you'd expect me to tell you what all of your friends got you for your birthday or something? That's stupid, you're just pissed. Besides he wouldn't have told me if you'd just joined us for breakfast."

Before I could reply there was a knock on the door. Christian went and opened the door without checking to see who was on the other side. "Ah, just as I expected. This angry Rose is all for you." He pulled out his ipod and a huge pair of headphones and laid down on his bed, listening to music and ignoring us.

"I knew you were angry when you didn't reply," Adrian said as he sighed. "Little Dhampir is it so bad that I want to get you things? It's just a phone. You needed a phone, don't try to deny it.

My promises to myself to someday figure out a way of getting a phone echoed through my head. Damn, Adrian was right twice in one day. His head was going to explode. "Just because I need something doesn't mean you are in any way obligated to get it for me. I don't need to be any further in your debt."

Adrian looked hurt. "You don't need to be in my debt, I don't consider you in my debt. Where do you think I get my money? I have a bottomless trust fund that I got by sitting around drunk off my ass for years. I've wasted more money than I would like you to be aware of. What's wrong with me finding something worthwhile to spend it on? When it was for Belikov you didn't have these reservations. Why can nothing just be for you, Little Dhampir?"

"I feel like you're trying to buy me," I said softly.

Adrian laughed. "I suppose that's actually my fault, isn't it? I'm not going to lie, the box of perfume was to impress you and make you feel a little obliged to see me. This is different, Little Dhampir. This is just me caring about you. And me not wanting to write any more encyclopedia length messages," he said with the ghost of a smile.

"Stalking me in my dreams really wasn't enough for you, was it?"

"Sometimes I think you don't hear a word I say." Adrian sighed. "Speaking of dream stalking, you look much more well rested today. Am I in any danger of being thrashed?"

I mumbled, "No."

Adrian grinned. "How about, instead of me rubbing this situation in, you keep the phone without further argument?"

Knowing when to fold I nodded curtly and hit Christian in the face with a pillow. "Fight's over, ready for dinner?"

"Aww, but Ivashkov is still in one piece. Aren't you even a little mad still?"

I growled at Christian. "Starting to be."

We met up with Lissa and Eddie in the cafeteria. I held up the phone. "Sorry, Liss, didn't open it until like ten minutes ago. You're right, the one upside to this stupid thing is now we can talk without the boys hearing."

Eddie, Christian, and Adrian all shared a worried look.

Lissa and I laughed as we all got our food.

After eating I asked Eddie if he would mind watching Christian for a little while so I could hang with Lissa.

We went up to her room and sat on her bed. "So?" she asked impatiently.

"So what?"

"So what was up this morning? Why were you so angry with Adrian?"

I giggled. "Well, I wasn't actually all that angry with Adrian. I was mad at Christian. Flame boy went and told Adrian that I wasn't sleeping and asked him to dream stalk me to cure it. I mean I wasn't thrilled with the dream stalking, but I was hurt that Christian would go behind my back, you know?"

Lissa joined me in giggling. "You should have seen Adrian's face. I thought he was going to melt himself into the floor." Lissa's giggled faded. "Why aren't you sleeping?"

I shrugged like it didn't matter. "I've been trying. I guess all the crappy stuff of the last year has been catching up while my guard is down."

Lissa's eyes narrowed. "You don't look tired today."

A flush rose across my face. "Well, I think Adrian's plan might have worked, a little. But don't tell him I said so!"

Lissa giggled again. "Cross my heart." Lissa suddenly hugged me. "Oh, I missed this. Avery was no Rose."

I shifted uncomfortably. "Yeah, only you could replace me with a psycho killer. You know what really confused me, Liss? You were suspicious of her from the start. You have to learn to trust your instincts. I might not always be able to watch your back." My voice caught on the tears I started to fight.

Lissa stiffened. "Are you leaving again? Without me?"

"No! I'm not going anywhere. I just don't want you to only depend on me. It's kinda like how I'm teaching Jill and Christian how to fight. I want you to have options."

Lissa and I spent another few minutes sitting awkwardly before I finally broke the silence. "Well I should probably go relieve Eddie. See you at breakfast?"

Lissa forced a smile. "Of course."

I got to Christian's room and was surprised to see Eddie was standing outside the door. "What happened?" I asked, worried.

Eddie looked at me strangely. "You really take this field assignment thing seriously, don't you?"

I looked at him icily. "Anything worth doing is worth doing right."

Eddie nodded slowly. "He went to bed early and I felt weird watching him sleep when I wasn't being graded on it."

I snuck quietly into his room. He'd left a small bedside light on for me. I smiled until my eyes were drawn to the envelope on my bed. Apparently Adrian really did finish his assignment.

I changed into pajamas and settled on my bed before opening the envelope.

**_Little Dhampir,_**

**_I have decided that writing a letter is the best format to complete my assignment in. I thought about making lists of why I was suitable dating material, but I decided this would be more personal. I know I am not everything you've dreamed of. I've made a lot of mistakes in my life, and for the first time I wish I could do some of it over again so I could be better, for you. I will not lie and tell you that you're the first girl, but you are the first girl I wish I could be a better man for. A very wise friend once told me that the surest way to tell if it was love is whether or not the other person made you want to be the best possible version of yourself._**

**_You have spent your life focusing on how you can serve and protect others. I think this is an admirable and beautiful trait, but if you let me I would like to make you my number one priority. Everyone needs to be first on someone's list. You deserve to be cared for, even if you make it difficult for one to express that caring. I love that you make it difficult. While it can be frustrating some of the time, I love that I have to think of more creative ways. Expensive perfume and flowers are not enough and I love that you are so much deeper, so much more special than anyone I've ever known before._**

**_I know I show very little ambition, especially compared to you, but I think that sometimes that can be an advantage. You are full of goals and dreams of which you feel required to complete them all. I have very few goals and I would be willing to make your goals my own. I will assist you on anything. (I think I proved this when I dented my trust fund so that you could fly halfway across the world to track down your lover). Even when it's difficult (like letting you go) I will do anything in my power to get you whatever you need._**

**_I know that my name and position mean little, if nothing, to you. I love that you couldn't care less, and I know if I am ever to win you it will be because you saw something worthwhile in me, not in my family. Despite this meaning little to you, it can be a huge asset. There may be times (like wanting to go to court for Victor's trial) where my name and position will allow me to influence the world to turn the way you wish._**

**_Lastly, I would like to pose a question. What exactly do you have to lose? Agree to go on one date. I believe I've shown sufficiently that I am willing, even if unhappy in doing so, to let you go if necessary. I would never force you into anything you were not comfortable with. You would be free to leave at anytime you were uncomfortable or unhappy. _**

**_I can't ask for you to care about me as much as I care about you. All I can ask, all I can hope for, is that you will consent to give me a chance to prove my worth to you._**

**_Pleasant dreams, Little Dhampir._**

**_Always Yours,_**

**_Adrian Ivashkov_**


	6. Splash of reality

**As always nothing belongs to me. The world of Vampire Academy will always belong to the wondrous Richelle Mead, my bits are just a pale imitation. Please review, feedback is always appreciated!!**

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I sat staring at the paper in my hands for longer than I care to admit. When I told Adrian i wanted a written proposal I hadn't expected him to take it so seriously. I expected a joke, a brush off, and for him to be done with this silly idea of us dating. Just because I had loved Dimitri doesn't mean I was only into guys I couldn't have. Nothing serious ever happened between a Moroi and a Dhampir. How could it? We came from different worlds.

This proposal was serious which scared me. I'd always assumed Adrian just wanted in my pants and when denied, got obsessed with what he couldn't have. I gently folded the letter up and tucked it in the pocked of my bag.

I laid down and forced myself to relax. For the first time I was afraid to sleep and it had nothing to do with nightmares.

_I found myself in a simple but elegant rose colored dress. Something about this dress should have told me exactly where I was, but I couldn't stay focused such minor details._

_Dimitri entered the room and I lost the battle to focus completely. I stood and began to approach him._

_He smiled, but there was no kindness in it. 'Miss me, Roza?'_

_I nodded wordlessly. I had felt so empty until he entered the room._

_'I love how your pulse quickens when I enter the room,' Dimitri said as he gently caressed the almost healed scars on my neck. 'Such an alluring sight. I do believe I will not be able to resist.' Dimitri bent my head to the side, allowing him easier access to my neck. He bent and quickly bit down. I knew instantly something was wrong because instead of the ecstasy I expected, my whole body burned. I tried to scream, but could make no sound. Dimitri finished and looked at me with his burning red eyes. He began to laugh._

_The scenery began to fade. In an instant I found myself standing in the woods, sunlight trickling down. I looked around but I was alone. I started to reach up to touch my neck, but the sound of someone clearing their throat behind me, distracted me._

_'I should have known it would have been you. Do you think the police would laugh if I asked for a restraining order for someone who stalks my dreams?'_

_'I can't imagine anyone would laugh at you. Sorry I'm late, Little Dhampir, I have to admit I was selfishly a little nervous to confront you after leaving my letter.'_

_'Late? What do you mean?'_

_'Well, uh, it's pretty clear you didn't do that to yourself and I certainly didn't.' His eyes strayed to my neck. 'So I would assume you were asleep a while before I got here.'  
_

_I was unable to resist touching it this time. I draw my hand away, spotted with blood. 'But it was only a dream,' I said, fear leaking out of my voice._

_'Well, yes, but so is this. Sometimes when people are having strong dreams pieces carry over," Adrian said soothingly._

_The blood rushed from my face as I realized that Adrian had to know now. I had worked so hard to keep people from knowing what I had turned into and now Adrian knew. 'Did you want something, or is just habit to dream stalk me now,' I said cruelly, hoping to distract Adrian from what exactly the blood meant._

_Adrian looked pained. 'I was just trying to help.'_

_'I don't remember asking for you help," I said coolly._

_'What's wrong, Little Dhampir? Is this- is this about the letter?'_

_My heart broke a little at the sadness clearly shown on his face. 'Yes, no, I don't know. I'm just frustrated and tired.'_

_'And hurt.' Adrian said as he produced a handkerchief from his pocket. He stepped towards me and gently began cleaning the blood off my neck.  
_

_I jumped back as though he'd burned me. 'Let me wake up, Adrian.' He hesitated. 'WAKE ME UP,' I yelled._

_Adrian nodded and disappeared. As the rest of the setting faded away I whispered, 'Don't see how anyone could stand to touch me, anyway.'_

I woke up with a slight jump. I peeked at Christian and was pleased to see he was still asleep. I snuck out of the room and went for a long run before training. Jill joined for a while, but I paced myself to always be in front of her. She never stopped running after me. Damn, that Moroi was as stubborn as me.

I went through training robotically. I think the only reason I survived Alberta's lessons was how ingrained our lessons are. I barely had to think to defend myself. Not that it helped me do more than survive.

Christian was still in the room when I got back upstairs. He waited while I took a two minute cold shower and changed before we headed down to the cafeteria in silence. Well, mostly in silence. Christian attempted some small talk, but I couldn't focus on his voice more than to tell he was speaking. My lack of response discouraged him quickly.

I picked at breakfast and ignored the chattering of my friends who were sitting with me. _'Are you ok?'_ Lissa thought to me, but I couldn't muster the energy to answer. I had to fight the urge to touch my neck, certain my almost faded scars would have erupted with fresh wounds. But of course they remained faded scars. No matter how real a dream seems you always fall back to reality.

Christian's classes and lunch passed in a blur. I suppose it was luck that kept us from being attacked because I doubt I would have passed a test.

At dinner I felt smothered by the worry of my friends worry. I literally felt Lissa's bearing down on me, but the intensity made Christian and Adrian's just as strong. With as much effort as I could muster I tried to focus on the conversation.

"We should go to the mall tomorrow after classes," Lissa said, oblivious to the awkwardness around the table.

"I don't know," Christian mumbled.

Lissa flicked her eyes to me. "Please?"

Christian sighed. "I guess I could pick up something to wear for graduation."

Adrian's head shot up from his previous staring at this tray. "I'll go arrange for permission and transportation." He grinned as he got up and exited the cafeteria.

Everyone looked at me for a moment. I shrugged. "I go where he goes, I guess." I jabbed a finger towards Christian.

"Oh, Rose, we'll have so much fun," Lissa said beaming. Can it really be fun when you're forced to go along for the ride?

I manage a small smile and nod in response.

"Come on, Rose, I need to go to the feeders and then the library to study."

I stiffened again but stonily get up and trailled after Christian. I watched him approach the young woman serving as his feeder, and my neck started to throb. I can't get the memories of how good it felt out of my head. I watched him feed because I could not force myself to look away. The human saw me staring and smirked as Christian finished.

I wrenched my gaze away but could feel myself blushing. Why are these feelings haunting me so much more strongly now? My mind strays to my dream of Dimitri last night which felt so much more real than normal. I wanted to shove one of the feeders out of their seat and take their spot. I wanted to fill my body with the euphoria that only a bite could bring. I wanted to feel again.

"Umm, Rose, you ready to go?" Christian asked, voice full of concern and worry.

"Sure thing, flame boy, just waiting for you to finish satisfying your hunger."

Christian flinched slightly before nodding, and we started to head towards the library.

Yes, I know I was being a bitch to all of the people who cared the most about me. I could see it. I could recognize it. I just couldn't make myself care enough to stop.

Watching Christian's frequent worried glances behind him to check on me were wearing down my resistance to stopping. Once in the library I helped Christian carrying about a dozen books to a table. All of them were on fire magic. Apparently the Moroi had to work just as hard as us to graduate, it was just a lot more boring.

"Look I know I haven't been pleasant to be around today, and I'm sorry for that. I just didn't sleep well last night," I said quickly, letting the words blend together in my haste.

Christian's eyes narrowed. "Do I need to have some words with, stalker boy?" he asked coldly.

I couldn't help smiling slightly. "Isn't the threatening thing my job?" Christian scowled. "No, really, it wasn't Adrian's fault."

"Why do I not believe you?"

"Umm maybe you want an excuse to punch Adrian?"

"Damn, there is some logic to that."

"I know, I am quite wise."

An hour later we headed up to the dorms. I grabbed Eddie on the way and asked him to baby-sit so I could take a shower. The boys went to Eddie's room. I gathered my things and cleaned up. When I went back to Christian's room I found that Christian was not back from Eddie's room yet. I debated between gathering him from Eddie's room and crashing.

Crashing won, but first I hunted down my cell phone. I'd left it upstairs. Three missed calls and eight texts from Lissa. I scrolled through them reading how excited Lissa is to go shopping and how amazed she is Christian agreed to go. I quickly text back that I didn't have my phone all day and that I'll see her tomorrow.

Before I could put the phone away I got another text, this one from Adrian.

**Little Dhampir, please tell me when you go to sleep**

I replied with:** Now you need help stalking me? ;)**

**I'll take all the help I can get with you**

**Good night, stalker**

**Sweet Dreams, Little Dhampir**

I laid down and was practically asleep before my head hit the pillow.

_I find myself sitting on a blanket in a huge field. The sun is warm on my scantily clad shoulders. I wonder if Adrian's obsession with warm locations is more about getting me into skimpy clothes than wishing he could enjoy the sun._

_'You're really branching out on this whole stalker thing, aren't you, Adrian? Although I think it's against the rules in the stalker club to ask your victim to give you their location.'_

_'There's a stalker club? Think they could give me some tips?' He smiled._

_'You mean you're not a member?'_

_'You're the first person I've ever seriously stalked. Maybe they'll give me a membership card now."_

_'Great, glad I could help you move up in the world.'_

_Adrian smiled sadly. 'You don't even know how true that is.'_

_'You know you don't have to be here, I can take care of myself.'_

_'I'm sorry, did I imply you couldn't take care of yourself? I was under the impression I was merely allowing you rest so that you could take care of yourself, and most likely the rest of us while you're at it.'_

_'You know what I mean. They're only dreams. I'll be fine. You could slide into someone else's head for a change.'_

_Adrian snorted. 'Nice try, Little Dhampir. What's so wrong with letting someone protect you for a change?'_

_'Maybe it's not being protected I'm resisting, maybe it's who's doing the protecting," I said coldly._

_Hurt flashed through Adrian's eyes. 'What did I do that was so horribly wrong, Rose?'_

_'You came rooting uninvited through my head learning stuff I didn't want you to know!" I shouted before I could stop myself._

_Adrian's gaze softened. 'What did I learn, Little Dhampir?'_

_'That I became nothing more than a blood whore while I was away," I whispered, wishing I believed the lies I was telling myself about this just being a dream._

_Adrian knelt beside me, reaching one arm out across my shoulders. I flinched slightly but didn't pull away. "Oh, Little Dhampir, that is not who you are. You were forced against your will. Would you blame a victim who was held down and had heroin shot into their veins for wanting another fix? That is not who you are because you fight it everyday. You choose to not be an addict, I can't think of anything more strong and brave.'_

_Tears streamed down my face. 'But I liked it, craved it. I still do crave him, Adrian. What if I'm not strong enough the next time?'_

_Adrian went stiff next to me. 'Next time? But I thought you killed Belikov.'_

_I winced as I realized I hadn't filled anyone but Lissa in on Dimitri's survival. 'So did I until I got back here and he sent me a package containing the stake I used to kill him. Er, I used to try to kill him I guess. Apparently I didn't push it in far enough and he fell into the water so I didn't check the body. He'll come for me, Adrian, he's obsessed. He'll come and I'm afraid I'll give myself to him freely.'_

_'I don't believe you'll do that, Little Dhampir. You care too much for your friends and family to kill yourself like that. You're stronger than you know.'_

_'How can you be so sure?' I managed to sob._

_'Because I am sure of you, Little Dhampir," Adrian said softly as he pulled me closer, cradling me against him. I let myself sink into his embrace.  
_

I opened my eyes and checked the clock. Damn, slept in again. I rushed down and was surprised to see Jill already running around the track. I easily caught up to her. "You know, it's bad form to outshine your teacher."

Jill looked surprised that I spoke to her. "Well, when you have a hard ass teacher you want to do your best," she said with a slight smile.

"You going to stay and watch your hard ass teacher get trounced at practice?"

"Yeah, I mean, if it's ok."

"You're always welcome to watch me get my ass kicked, helps keep me humble."

Guardian Higgins came to train me. I was a little surprised when he led me to the practice dummies and handed me a real silver stake. I spent a few moments remembering how excited I had been when Dimitri had deemed me ready to practice on the dummies. I smile at the memory of his pride in my accomplishments.

"Show me where you would place the stake, Ms. Hathaway," Guardian Higgins said, interrupting my memories.

"Umm, you do know I've done this a couple dozen times in real life, right?"

He raises an eyebrow. "So using a skill successfully means you never need to practice again?"

"Well, no, but -"

"Don't tell me you're afraid of a dummy," Guardian Higgins said with a smirk.

My face went red and I remembered Jill was watching everything. Without a word I slammed the stake so far into the dummy I couldn't see it at all.

"Such rage, for one so young. Pull it out and we'll try again with another dummy, this time as you run by it."

It took me several minutes to free the stake. And I had to run by the dummy twice to get the stake far enough in the "heart". We went through that exercise until I could get it every time.

"Not bad, Ms. Hathaway. You are dismissed."

I texted Christian: **Hang with Eddie until I can come to breakfast**

He responded quickly: **Already with my babysitter, boss**

I smiled as I cleaned up and hurried down to breakfast, feeling lighter than I had since I returned to the Academy.

Sadly I was too late for doughnuts again. I vowed to be the first person to breakfast on Sunday. I filled my plate and slid next to Lissa. Adrian smiled shyly and put a doughnut on my tray. I grinned.

"So we're all meeting right after the last class gets out, it's a long drive to the city and we need to have time to shop before driving back," Lissa said sternly.

Adrian shrugged, "I tried to convince the headmistress we could stay a hotel, but she didn't seem to think one guardian, two trainees and three moroi could be trusted on their own."

"Who's the guardian?" I asked, curious.

"One of the guardians my aunt sent to the school to make sure I stayed out of trouble. His name is Alex. I don't think you've met him yet," Adrian answered.

"How did you convince Kirova to let us go? Especially with only one guardian?"

Adrian just smirked at me, refusing to answer.

Christian's classes flew by way too quickly for my tastes, I wasn't really looking forward to a shopping trip. I wasn't surprised to feel the rest of the day slip away just as quickly. Before I knew it we were piling into the SUV with dark tinted windows, all the better for the early morning drive home with three Moroi in the car.

We stopped only once, at a 24 hour diner to get some dinner.

Finally we arrived to the mall I'd been to most frequently in my life, the only mall in Montana to be open 24 hours a day. I'm sure some deep Moroi pockets influenced that decision.

Lissa and I immediately went off on our own (Adrian got gotten a promise that Christian and would not be attacked while on our outing). I helped Lissa find a pale blue evening gown to graduate in.

"I'm so glad our shopping trip was able to cheer you up, Rose," Lissa said cheerfully.

I decided not to tell her I was happier despite the trip, not because of it and merely nodded.

"Are you sure we can't find you a dress too?"

"I'm broke, Liss."

"We could consider it an advance for when you're my guardian."

My heart cracks at the reminder graduation was coming so soon. "I really don't need a dress, I'm sort of over the whole formal look."

Despite my constant refusals Lissa did manage to get me: two new pairs of jeans, an assortment of basic socks and underwear, a bunch of tank tops, several blouses, and a new pair of boots. After a while I just stopped fighting her. Besides, those boots were smoking hot.

I am proud to say that I didn't let her win the battle of the dress. I have to admit we did find a perfect one. A long, crimson dress with simple black lace trim. I might not have fought so hard but it was almost two hundred dollars, I couldn't let Lissa spend so much.

Lissa spent a lot of the time texting our location to Adrian and Christian. After an hour and a half we all met up and browsed the music store for a while.

Adrian managed to corner me there, alone. "So, Little Dhampir, you never did clearly give me your response to my letter."

I froze like a deer caught in headlights. "Umm, uh, well," I managed so very uneloquently.

He leaned in closer to me. "Was it good enough for one date?" he said softly.

I wanted to say no, I wanted to remain faithful to Dimitri. I wanted to say yes, I wanted to move on. Conflicted thy name is Rose. Looking into Adrian's hopeful eyes I did the only thing I could do, I nodded in affirmation.

His eyes lit up. "Tomorrow night ok? Since it's your night off and all?"

I nodded again, too stupefied to do anything else.

"I'll pick you up at Christian's room right before dinner, ok?"

After my nod he bounced off and whispered suspiciously to Lissa. I narrowed my eyes and considered slipping into her head, but I decided everyone is entitled to their secrets. I just hope I don't regret letting Lissa and Adrian have theirs.


	7. Fresh Insight

**First off I would like to thank: Dimkaagon, redglasses, shizara, and Joanna11 for their consistent reviews/support! It means a lot.**

**Secondly, as always, I own nothing in the world of Vampire Academy. Just borrowing Richelle Mead's characters to keep myself occupied until May.**

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As we all piled back into the SUV I noticed that everyone but Lissa was suspiciously empty handed. I was starting to get the impression this shopping expedition had been for more than a graduation dress for Lissa.

Alex drove again, and Christian claimed shot gun. I quickly climbed into the far back, too exhausted to argue over seating arrangements. Adrian slid into the back row with me and I cursed myself for not thinking of that outcome sooner. Eddie and Lissa happily got into the middle row, Lissa cheerfully blocking out my intrusion into her thoughts. She better not let me find out she planned this.

To my surprise, Adrian didn't launch into anything. He sat back, fully relaxed, and just smiled. I asked Christian to turn up the music, just in case, I and swear Adrian smirked.

I cleared my throat softly. "Does this mean you might finally stop stalking me?"

Adrian looked surprised. "Only if it means you don't consider me following you stalking anymore. Honestly, Little Dhampir, you could turn me down completely and I'd still visit your dreams. I wasn't doing that to win you over, I was doing that to help. Clearly the nightmares were affecting you. No matter what happens, you're my friend, I will always want to help you."

"Do you honestly expect to follow me into my dreams for the rest of my life? Sometime I have to be able to deal with it myself."

Adrian nodded slowly. "You're probably right, after the first fifty years or so I'll let you take over," he said with a teasing grin.

"Adrian, I'm serious. You won't always be around, I don't want to worry about falling asleep forever."

"So find something else that works, Little Dhampir. Phase me out if you want, but have a plan. Go to therapy, get meds, do whatever, but don't expect me to stop when you have nothing else to take it's place," Adrian said, hurt leaking out of his words.

I wanted to tell Adrian that I wasn't pushing him away, but I was certain it was true. Was I pushing Adrian away? Or was I distancing myself for when I left him behind after graduation. If it was the latter, was I trying to make it easier on him or me? My thoughts took me long enough that Adrian turned away and appeared to be sleeping. The sun was up, it was difficult to stay awake. About ten minutes later I found myself drifting away as well.

_'Try it again, Roza. Trust me, you'll be thankful for all the practice one of these days,' Dimitri told me, as we trained into the gym._

_I positioned my stake towards the dummy again and thrust where the heart would be._

_'Better, but you're still not going deep enough for the kill. Try again.'_

_Frustrated I slam the practice stake into the dummy without even looking to find my target._

_'Very good, did you feel the difference that time?' he asked. He wasn't smiling, but I could see the hidden pride shining in his eyes._

_'Yes,' I managed to say as I fought the desire to kiss him. _

_We began to spar after the practice with with dummies. He moved so quickly it was all I could do to block his punches. After a few minutes he swept my legs out from under me. He pinned me, his body lying across mine. My breath caught and I arched up to meet his body. I leaned in and was centimeters from kissing him when his eyes drained to red._

_'Ah, Roza I love when you're so eager." He leaned in the last few centimeters between us and crushed his lips against mine. He nibbled lightly on my lip sending me waves of ecstasy to replace my terror from his Strigloi appearance._

_He pulled away and I felt as though I was being torn in two. I groaned my displeasure._

My eyes shot open. I looked around the car, and all eyes were on me. Oh my God, the groan wasn't out loud was it? I peeked into Lissas head. Shit, it was out loud. My face turned bright red.

"Are you ok, Rose?" Christian finally asked, hesitantly.

I glared at everyone. "I'm fine." Christian and Eddie turned away quickly.

Lissa thought, 'Are you sure?' loudly. As I continued to glare she too turned away.

I turned my glare to Adrian, but he refused to look away. "Whatever nightmares you face, they're really preferable to me visiting your dreams?" The pain in Adrian's voice broke my heart in two.

I opened my mouth but couldn't think of anything to say. Adrian finally sighed and went back to staring out the window. Sometimes I wish I didn't manage to screw everything up all the time.

We drove the rest of the way back to campus in silence. I felt guilty, but didn't know how to fix things. I could feel Lissa's disappointment in me, and I'm sure she wasn't the only one.

I quietly unloaded my bags and followed Christian back to his room. I silently put my new things away while he got ready for bed.

After I turned out the light and climbed into my bed Christian cleared his throat. "I will burn you into nothing if you repeat what I'm about to say. Stalker boy, I mean Adrian, really seems to care about you. I know it might not seem like much, but I think he's trying his hardest to do what's best for you. I'm not saying you should go out with him, but - well I just thought you should know. Just figure out what you want, so I can stop feeling bad for the guy. Me feeling bad for the Moroi prince with everything, it's disgusting." He rolled over and was snoring before I could think of a reply.

I think I'm losing my touch. All the people in my life seem to be leaving me speechless. I stared at the ceiling for over two hours, but sleep refused to come.

I get up quietly, careful not to disturb Christian as I creep out to practice. I nodded in greeting to Jill as we began our jog. I was pleased to see that we were able to pick up our pace this morning. At least I had one thing I was doing that I hadn't managed to completely muck up.

Stan came to practice with me. My dislike of him helped me to focus enough to give as good as I got.

Christian and I got to breakfast in time for me to get a doughnut. My day was looking up.

Lissa plopped down next to me. "So, what are you up to today, Rose?"

I shrugged. "Following Christian around?" I said with a slight smile.

Lissa looked embarrassed. "Oh, right. Christian, what are you guys doing this fine Saturday?"

"I don't know, probably hang out in a lounge and watch a movie or something," Christian mumbled.

Eddie sat down and joined us, stealing a doughnut off my plate as he sat. I growled at him and everyone laughed. Not that it stopped him from eating my doughnut.

"What are we watching?" Eddie asked, his mouth full of my doughnut.

Christian shrugged. Silence fell over the table again. Lissa's sadness and wish to join us battered against my attempts to block her.

Christian, Eddie, and I stood up and went to dump our trays. On our way to the dorms I grabbed Lissa's arm and pulled her along with us.

'_Are you sure it won't be awkward_?' she thought to me.

I shrugged and tried to convey, in my expression, my lack of caring about it feeling awkward. Hadn't I been making everything awkward for days?

'_Thank you, Rose_' she thought, waves of happiness following.

We got to the lounge and Eddie snapped up the remote before the rest of us could blink. We all grumbled as we settled ourselves on the couches. Eddie found a tv showing of Underworld. Lissa groaned in protest, but she was out voted.

Eddie and I mocked the fighting scenes while Christian and Lissa groaned at the vampire stereotypes. It didn't make such a mediocre movie any better, but it made the morning a lot more enjoyable.

After the movie Eddie was thrilled to realize on immediately after was Underworld Evolution. Lissa rolled her eyes and left to grab us some sandwiches from the cafeteria for lunch.

Eddie and I were even more brutal as the sequel wasn't even a mediocre movie. The idea that you could be a hybrid anything was ridiculous. I mean I guess Dhampir are a cross between Moroi and humans, but it's not like we were any different when turned Strigloi than a Moroi would be. Some things, like turning into a monster, trump all else. A true equalizer of people.

After the end of the second movie I asked Eddie to keep an eye on Christian for me. Lissa excused herself and followed me upstairs.

"So what are you wearing for your date?" Lissa asked, fully of excitement.

"Date?" I asked, as though I could have forgotten. "I don't know that we're still doing anything."

Lissa studied me carefully. "Well then you better find out because I'm getting you ready for a date."

Lissa pulled me towards her room. I started to protest but gave up. Help getting ready wouldn't really be the end of the world. If I still had a date. Which I doubted because I had zero people skills and frequently hurt the people who care about me.

I quickly texted Adrian: **We're still on for tonight, right? **

Immediately after Lissa shooed me into the shower. She didn't give me a change of clothes, only a really big towel. She explained she hadn't orchestrated my outfit yet. Getting ready solo was starting to sound better and better.

I got back to Lissa's room and groaned to see at least half a dozen outfits spread out over the bed. "You don't honestly expect me to try all of those on, do you?"

"Of course not, we'll stop when I see the right look," Lissa said calmly, with a twinkle in her eye."

When Lissa turned away to consider yet another outfit I peeked at my cell phone. My breath caught when I saw I had a message form Adrian. **Wouldn't miss it, Little Dhampir. **

I was so shocked and, while I hate to admit it, happy I didn't even complain as I tried on five outfits before Lissa declared me presentable. I ended up wearing dark denim jeans that hugged my curves in a complimenting manner. I was wearing a thin red tank top with a sheer black blouse on top of it.

Lissa painted my nails a deep red to match the tank top. I had to admit when she was done I looked pretty good.

I was running late so I tried to hurry to Christian's room so I could meet up with Adrian. I got to the hallway and could see Adrian pacing nervously around Christian's door. Stifling a giggle I cleared my throat softly.

"Sorry I'm late," I said softly.

Adrian jumped as I spoke. "It's fine, Little Dhampir, I was just w-"

"Wondering if I'd changed my mind?" I asked with a sad smile.

"Worried maybe," Adrian said smiling. "Ready to go, Little Dhampir?"

I took a deep breath. "Ready."

Adrian led me outside to where there was a picnic basket and blanket set out on the grass. I looked at Adrian in confusion. A romantic dinner in the moonlight? From Adrian, really?

Adrian shrugged casually. "Dinner in my rooms just didn't feel special enough for a first date. Or at least not special enough to get a second one," he finished with a smile.

"This is certainly unique."

We sat down and dug into the basket. I was surprised at the diversity of foods. There were mini finger sandwiches, deviled eggs, mixed veggies, apple slices, brownies, chocolate chip cookies, and mini cheesecake bites. I never stood a chance against three desserts. We chatted as we ate. Not about anything in particular, but it was surprisingly comfortable.

"If I eat another bite, I might pop," I said with enthusiasm as I finished the last bite of brownie.

Adrian smiled. "As entertaining as that might be to see, I suppose I should let you stop." He begins to clear away the remains of our dinner. "Up for a movie?"

"It depends." Adrian's face froze for a second. His smile was still present but no longer seemed genuine. "Who gets to pick the movie?" I asked teasingly.

Adrian blinked and then laughed loudly. "Do you think I would dare try to take that honor from you, Little Dhampir?"

I stood up. "Then what are we waiting for? I have limited free time hours and you're burning them," I said with a smile.

He stood up and gathered the basket and blanket. We reached his apartment and settled onto his couch. There were about three inches between us, but that distance felt long and awkward today. Adrian wordlessly handed me his remote. I flipped through the new releases. I considered putting on Orphan, but decided a horror flick was maybe not a good choice for a first date. I settled on the new G.I. Joe movie. Adrian smiled indulgently at me but didn't make a comment.

As the movie winded down to an end I found I could barely keep my eyes open. "I should really be heading to my dorm," I said sleepily.

"You could stay here, I could sleep on the couch," Adrian said gently.

I smiled as I stood up. "Kick you out of your own bed? I can make it back to my room, I'm not a damsel in distress or anything."

"Can I at least escort you to the dorms? I would hate for you to trip over your own two feet because you're so tired, Little Dhampir."

I rolled my eyes but said nothing as he followed me out.

When we reached the doors to my building Adrian stopped me by gently grabbing my elbow. "Thank you for a lovely night, was it really so bad?"

I shook my head in negation.

"Pleasant dreams, Little Dhampir," Adrian said as he leaned over and softly kissed me.

I froze, but I didn't pull away.

Adrian walked away towards his housing. I whispered, "Good night," into the air after him.

It was nice to get ready to sleep in my own bed for a change. It's funny how easy it is to take the little things for granted. I sunk into my bed and was asleep within seconds.

_I found myself in a beautiful garden, surrounded in flowers of every color in the rainbow. I know I should figure out where Adrian is hiding, but I can't help explore the garden. I stopped to sit at a bench surrounded in a trellis covered in white roses._

_'Should I be worried, Little Dhampir? You actually look happy, even though you're in my dream.'_

_'Don't ruin a good thing when you have it, Ivashkov.'_

_'True, true, consider me chastised.'_

_'What is this place?'_

_'A public garden my grandmother used to take me to. It was one of my favorite places growing up.'_

_'It's beautiful.'_

_We sat in silence for several minutes. 'Don't you have anything better to do with your time, Adrian?'_

_'What do you mean? Is there an even more productive way I could be spending my sleeping hours, Little Dhampir? I thought helping you to rest and be strong was productive enough.'_

_I wanted to explain that I was afraid. That I knew I couldn't sustain his attention for so long. He'd spent the majority of the last 24 hours either with me or planning to be with me. How long could I manage to hold his attention? How long before he tired of baby sitting me?_

_Instead I teasingly said, 'I'm surprised you're not more concerned with getting enough beauty rest.'_

_'I'm an excellent multi-tasker,' Adrian said with a teasing leer. 'Are you implying I could use more beauty sleep?'_

_'You wish, Ivashkov.'_

_'Care to see more of the gardens?'_

_I nod and spend the rest of my evening looking at flowers. Adrian better not tell anyone, I have a reputation to up hold._

I woke up with a smile. I stretched, enjoying the luxury of not having to wake up for practice. Remembering my promise to be on time for breakfast I hurry to take my shower and get ready.

I slid into the seat next to Christian at breakfast. "I'm surprised to see you up so early, Hathaway. Isn't today your day to sleep in?"

"It's true, but there is much to be said for the power of a doughnut."

Lissa dropped her tray onto the table loudly. "Ok, spill. I want to hear everything."

I shrugged. "How about we talk after breakfast?" I asked as Adrian joins us.

_'Promise you'll tell me everything?_' she asked silently.

I nodded in affirmation before asking Christian what he plans to do with his freedom.

"I figured I'd catch up on some studying and maybe practice with Jill later. You?"

"Well, the best part of being stuck guarding you is I don't have any school work. So, some girl talk with Lissa but otherwise no real plans."

Adrian looks ready to say something when Eddie comes up and loudly says, "Hey, I just got the new Resident Evil game, you in, Rose?"

"Yeah, just give me like an hour of girl time. Then I'd be more than happy to kick your ass."

"Dream on, Hathaway."

Lissa and I headed upstairs to her room. "Ok, I've been patient, saintly even. Spill!"

"It wasn't anything that exciting, Liss. We had a picnic outside and then watched the new G.I. Joe movie."

"You have no sense of romance. That's it? Did you kiss?"

My face went bright red. "He kissed me good night," I mumbled.

"Oh my God! How was it?"

"It was," I hesitated, "nice," I finally finished. "The world didn't erupt into stars, but it was pleasant."

"Pfft, nice? You think you'll do it again?"

"Right now I think I will go kill some zombies and kick Eddie's ass. My sights are stuck in the now, Lissa."

Lissa rolled her eyes. "What will I do with you?"

I hugged her. "You know you love me, Lissa."

She hugged me back while sighing as I headed out to track down Eddie and a few hundred zombies to kill.


End file.
